A Father's Prospective

Written by Dominique's father Kenneth Foxx

What do you say when you lose a child?  How do we recover when something so innocent passes away?  How can men stay strong, and still grieve?  Is there something we can say or do to help our wives or significant others?  These are probably just some of the many questions you might be asking if you've encountered a loss such as this.  There isn't any simple solution, and I'm sure I don't have all the answers.  My experience is all I have and I'm going to share with you how I made it through.

When my daughter died, I wanted to die also.  I loved her so much and thought for sure she was coming home.  I couldn't think straight and my faith in God was questionable.  I wanted her back and because I couldn't, I was mad.  Our lives had been turned upside down.

After a month or so I felt it was time to move on, but my wife was still out of it.  There really wasn't anything I could say or do.  I felt helpless!  After a while, I began to get mad a her.  "There are three other people in this house", I thought.  What's wrong with her!  Frustration was beginning to set in and my patience with her was growing thin.  Months went by and then we finally started talking again.  This was the first time after Dominique had passed that it felt as if we were "normal" again. 

I remember at one point she wanted to receive some counseling, and I was thinking we were okay!  Men, I don't know about you, but I'm not too fond of telling other people how I feel.  Telling all of my business isn't particularly my choice of therapy.  That was it!  I didn't think she needed any counseling.  I flipped out and we were right back where we started.  She wouldn't talk to me or to anyone for that matter.  She was crying all the time and I couldn't fix it.  That was real frustrating. 

We went to see a doctor and she told them she thought about committing suicide.  I wanted to pass out!  I knew everything was messed up, but not to the point of taking her life!  I realized then what I should have done from the beginning, I went to God with everything.  Even though I felt I was a strong man, I knew there were things not even I could resolve.  I prayed for strength to endure and for my wife to be healed.

You are probably wondering if I still have bad days, and the answer is yes.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had my daughter back.  Sometimes I even cry, (no matter how strong I try to be).  If the Lord had not blessed me with patience and strength, I don't know where I'd be!  I know that He is in control and that my daughter is safe in Heaven.

My advice to other grieving father's is to go to God in prayer.  Tell Him exactly how you feel and ask Him for patience, understanding, and the strength to endure.  After you have asked, go believing He will do it!

"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." 

Matt 21:22